The Joy of Socks

I knew he'd get there eventually. Mr Socks has commissioned a new survey. And yes, he has finally discovered that mysterious connection between socks and making love.

Here's the headline:

Valentine Survey Reveals Odd Things Men Wear During Sex 

Since I imagine that Mr Socks sits in the centre of a luxurious office, wearing a smoking jacket and twirling his mustache while his minions make socks, I presume his survey involved asking his friends at the Gentleman's club. 

In that case, Mr Socks has a pal who likes wearing a Prince Harry mask during sex. Just the one, mind: the others like wearing football shirts, their partners' pants, their own pants, "fancy dress"and - luckily for the press release, socks.

To be honest, I wasn't that impressed by the last press release from Mr Socks. I felt he shoe-horned the socks into the article. But this time, he's on the money. He gets to defend the humble sock against those women who moan about men wearing socks in bed.

Over to Mr Socks...

"As part of our research, we found no end of women's lifestyle articles on the web complaining about men wearing socks to bed, but they just don't understand how the male mind works," said Mark Hall, Gentleman Creation Officer. "People just don't seem to understand the powerful attraction and - let's face it - the essential comfort of the humble sock."

"One item even complained about men being 'too lazy' to take their socks off, asking 'What else might he be too lazy to do?' We say the last thing he wants on a cold February night is to get cold feet. Socks complete the Valentine's Day experience, and are too crucial to be forgotten."

"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Send your loved one the gift of a sock subscription from socked.co.uk this Valentine's Day. They look great with or without clothes and will keep both you and your partner happy all year round."

He's back on form. The finesse of his movement from general interest to the pitch, the presentation of himself as an authority: Mr Socks rocks. Look at that pun: "the last thing he wants... is to get cold feet." Elegantly, he associates socks with courage.