How Many Bastards?

For many years, The VileArts has pondered star ratings. There was one year at the Fringe where a big Facebook group kicked off, with many artists complaining about the proliferation of stars all over posters. These artists couldn't actually bring themselves to stop putting stars on their posters.

So the next year, one newspaper started awarding marks out of seven stars (completely fucking the system that made five stars 'the best thing in the world ever') while I suggested a rating system based on the Fibonacci sequence. Although this later was highly practical, since it went into infinity AND  had two one star positions, I was ignored.

However, a genius came up with a solution: step forth Eve Nicol and your cat picture reviews. Funny, succinct AND SUCCESSFUL, it ought to have destroyed the 250 word review (the first sentence being the only one anyone reads) and the whole edifice of ratings.

It didn't, so I am stealing the concept. Pending his permission, I am going to use a picture of Red Bastard to rate shows this year.

There is a logic for this: I regard Red Bastard as providing a gold standard for performance. I am not saying his show is perfect (although deconstructing it to find the imperfections would challenge me to assess my own identity, since I am so bound up with adoring his work), but in terms of doing the things that I want theatre to do (make me laugh, challenge my intellect, effect real change and show me a willy), it scores highly. Plus, his photos work better than mere adjectives as semiotic signifiers of qualitative meaning.

Of course, it won't mean that Red Bastard supports my ratings. But to show you how it works, here are my Red Bastard reviews for the past few shows that I have seen.

NDT2 @ EFT

(Contemporary choreography from Europe, including tunes from Phil Glass).

A Small Prometheus @ Tramway

(Contemporary choreography from Australia, including tunes from Robin Fox).

 The People Show @ CCA

(Devised performance from the UK, including tunes on a flute).