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Today

Vile Arts coming atcha! All new guests, with a few old favourites: if it ain't on The Hour, it isn't happen', bra.

Say what? Who are our guests??

Haven't you got any? I thought you were talking to Miss Hell's Bell to talk about the Gatsby Club?

No, she is too busy to make it. She's put us on the guestlist for Saturday though!

Too busy for The Vile Arts? Ah... lucky I managed to round up an all star cast: starting at 6pm with... hang on... let me just do some emails...

You forgot? Or are you lying?

You haven't got guests, have you?

Yes! And a big thank you to the Matchbox Cineclub for saving my bacon. We'll be talking about their Halloween showing of one of my favourite films - if you don't include Russian black and white numbers - The Warriors!

Saving your bacon? What about my bacon? The warriors sounds exhilarating! So who are our guests?

Apart from the Mighty Cineclub? We have a guest who is not only a fixture on the Glasgow clubbing scene, but was voted as one of the 66 most influential people by Attitude Magazine... shame it wasn't 666 because that would mean the Halloween theme would be all sinister...

am I meant to google this and track them down or do you plan to tell me?

That doesn't really narrow it down, Vile.

It's Lady Munter. OMG, you are so not Glasgow... the star of the Fierce Ruling Divas Ball. You'd like that, it's at The Forbidden Gentleman's Club.

of course, I am so not Glasgow! I got here two months ago! And have spent most of those two months hanging out with you. Lady Munter sounds excitng! Also, how forbidden is this Forbidden Gentleman's Club?

More forbidden than your access to my other Facebook account, the one that has all the secret friends... but that's not all...we have some live music today...

Hey, you wanted me to find that account... you left it there on display!

I feel inclined to test this Forbidden Gentlemen's Club.

Live music? Why do you tell me this all at the last minute? Who's coming in to play for us?

It's Howie Reeve, an old friend of the show, promoter of Frost and Fire and a mean solo artist in his own right... well, not mean, as he is very lovely. I mean, he rocks...

yes, 'mean' like 'wicked' has a completely shifted meaning nowadays...

Is that all? Do you have any more guests hidden up your sleeve?

Plus, plus, plus... Acting Cubed are coming in to talk about their production of Autobahn, a sinister American tale of lives on the road.

Like I said... if it ain't on The Hour, it ain't happenin'... although it might literally be happening, I suppose, it ain't happenin', ya dig?

Vile, is there something you're not telling me?