Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Looking to the stars part 2

The story so far: Gareth K Vile, theatre editor of The List and the hardest working ego in criticism, has been bemoaning how star ratings are difficult. Rather than just do his job, he is trying to explain his rationale... we join him as he asks his cohorts, Robocritic and Mad Cyril to take over.

ROBOCRITIC: Self is not comfortable with this. Self sees numbers as absolute and Vile rejects such notion.

MAD CYRIL: Right, shut it. Vile. Two stars means a good kicking for the production. Time to getting chucking the dustbins through the windows.

GARETH: No. I hate two starring shows... but what it is... It means that I think the work has failed in its intention. That doesn't mean it is rubbish... if the bar is set high, then it could be a noble failure.

ROBOCRITIC: Other selves only observe rating. Not content.

GARETH: I understand why an artist would be upset at two stars. And I have done a Mad Cyril on a few shows... I regret that...

MAD CYRIL: Never regret it, mate. The crowd loves to watch a good beating.

GARETH: Well, I don't want to be giving them. I have to account for my life to God.

ROBOCRITIC: Self rejects notion of God or judgement.

GARETH: Look, I have two starred one show that I think is morally righteous, but falls short of theatrical effectiveness. And another that - I gave three stars to a show that is a bit racist...

ROBOCRITIC: Either racist or not. Zero sum game.

GARETH: And sometimes I even enjoy the two stars better than the three... good bits, or a winning character...

MAD CYRIL: Comes down to who you think you are addressing. If you are talking to the acts, then a two star is saying - keep at it, but you're not ready for prime time... if it's the audience, then you are giving them a fair warning that they might not get their money's worth.

ROBOCRITIC: Difference between two and three stars can lie in subjectivity of self. Humans are variable. Taste. Such things. 

MAD CYRIL: Yeah, but if an act gets upset at three stars, then they are being weak. Grow up, kids.

GARETH: But... what about the one star show...

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