Thursday, 9 July 2015

Here's Your Three Star Review, Edinburgh....

Scene: interior shot, a generic office. Posters on the wall - a variety of music and theatre shows - untidy desk with computer, half-empty coffee-cups.

G: I am just not sure that I really matter.
(pause)

Camera pans back to reveal 

Mad Cyril: You what? Of course you don't.

Scene: G in bed typing at the computer

G: I think there is something wrong with me.

Ghost Derrida emerges from beneath the covers

Ghost Derrida: You can say that again. I'm not the French philosopher you ought to be having these kind of fantasies about.

Scene: Mad Cyril hoisting a dustbin through the window of the CCA.

Scene: Long pan of Edinburgh skyline from Carlton Hill

Scene: Mad Cyril standing at the foot of the Royal Mile

Mad Cyril: It's been a while, Reekie. Let's see what ya got for old Cyril this year.

Ghost Derrida appears in the frame.

Ghost: We both take things apart.

Mad: Yeah. But one of us gets the attention, Jack.

They Walk together up the hill.

Ghost: Did you get many this morning?

Mad: About forty, I reckon.

Mad stops to roll a cigarette.

Mad: It's gonna be a vintage year.


Scene: G still in bed. He is staring at his computer. Close up on screen: it's his inbox and it is full of messages.

Mad (voice over): He said he wanted a mission. And for his sins they gave him one.

G: (to himself) I want to keep up. I believe in the fringe. I feel sympathy for the artists. I want to keep up.

Mad (voice over): He has replied to nearly all of them. They all want a review. It breaks his heart, knowing that he can't help them that way.

Scene: A cafe on the Royal Mile. G, Mad and Ghost are smoking together.

G: Ron Jonson did an essay about artificial life. One of the ways that they are trying to give computers consciousness is just loading them with information.

Ghost: So you think that the more information you have, the more likely your database is to achieve rational thought.

Mad: Is this a metaphysical thing? Cos if it is, I'm going home.

G: It's all metaphysical. 

Scene: G back in bed. He is staring at his computer. Close up on screen: it's his inbox and it is full of messages.

G: (to himself) I want to keep up. I believe in the fringe. I feel sympathy for the artists. I want to keep up.

Mad (voice over): The database is his last chance to do it.

G: (to himself) I want to keep up. I believe in the fringe. I feel sympathy for the artists. I want to keep up.

Mad and Ghost walk together down the hill.

Ghost: Well, c'est finis.

Mad: All that waiting...

Mad Cyril stops to roll a cigarette.

Mad: Then over so sudden, like.

Scene: Mad Cyril and Ghost Derrida standing at the foot of the Royal Mile

Mad Cyril: That's it for another year.

Ghost: Same time, 2016?

Ghost Derrida walks away.

Mad: They weren't listening, again.

Scene: Long pan of Edinburgh skyline from Carlton Hill

Scene: Mad Cyril hoisting a dustbin through the window of the CCA.


Scene: G in bed with Ghost Derrida.

G: Tell me it went okay.

Ghost Derrida emerges from beneath the covers

Ghost Derrida: Ask Mad Cyril. I'm not the French philosopher you ought to ask if you want a positive answer.

Scene: interior shot, a generic office. Posters on the wall - a variety of music and theatre shows - untidy desk with computer, half-empty coffee-cups.

G: I am just not sure that I really matter.
(pause)

Camera pans back to reveal Mad Cyril leaving the room and closing the door.






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