Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Fringe Special Offer

Thirty seconds after reading an article in The Stage, popular blogger and sometime pseudo-intellectual Gareth K Vile has announced his patreon site will now be taking donations for his project to go round to e*******.com's offices and trash them.

'I have spent the last ten years trying to develop a professional career in criticism,' shouted the theatre editor and comic book enthusiast. 'Now these characters are cutting about charging for a review. Talk about a lack of professional integrity.'

Gareth, who was last seen running through the CCA, tearing off his top and bellowing 'Criticulous smash!' has a record of controversial outbursts. He maintains, for example, that criticism is actually an art form.

'This is bollocks,' he continued. 'If you accept money from artists, you are compromising your integrity. Tell you what, why don't they just have a rate card for each star?'

At this point, he turned bright green and howled.

'And another thing, I love that bit where they justify it by pointing to other companies being just as bad. Seriously. It's like that time I plead not guilty to shoplifting from the pound shop because I'd seen this other guy stuffing a frozen turkey up his jumper in Tesco.'

For a donation of fifty quid, Gareth said he'd shout the name of the donor when he shoves a computer out of the window, or for a pony he'll spray-paint your name on their wall.

'Fuck it, chuck in an extra tenner and I'll chin one of the other critics. That's got to be worth it.'

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