Sunday, 4 January 2015

Post Political Party #PPP

At a press conference attended by nobody, a theatre critic with broken glasses announced the creation of a new political party - with a twist.

The Post Political Party will be the first political party with no manifesto, aside from random thoughts that occur to people when they have spent too long looking at twitter.

"The idea came to me," says Criticulous, previously best known for making a show of himself at Arches Live! back in 2011, "after I came across a twitter feed called 45Storm!! As I scrolled down the tweets, the naivety of the comments and the bad spelling made me despair. And the casual use of the word storm, which has generally been used by the far right. I mean, this feed is supposed to be in support of an idea that is, generally, on the left of the spectrum.

Citing 45Storm!! use of a quotation by Ayn Rand, Criticulous decided that he needed a way of expressing both his desire to engage with politics, and his suspicion of all organisations.

"I am also hoping people will confuse it with the popular A Play, A Pie and A Pint programme," he continued. That way, I might get more hits on my blog, or that PPP might get a few anarchists turning up, if they really want to meet each other."

The PPP will have no membership, but is a statement against the notion of the party as a unit for political action. Criticulous describes himself as the Scottish Russell Brand "except I never get any sex, am not so handsome and funny, and have no clue at all what I am talking about."

Criticulous insists that the PPP is no more than a cynical attempt to grab attention in post-referendum Scotland, where politics is hip for fifteen minutes. 

"Obviously, I could not join one of the established parties: the ones that have had even a sniff of power have revealed themselves as amoral opportunists doing favours for their mates. Even the SNP, and I think Alex Salmond ran a good campaign for the YES vote, are mates with that guy who runs the buses and has a habit of being a homophobic."

"Many of my friends have joined the Green Party," he mumbled. "I agree with the necessity of a more environmentalist approach, but I met Patrick Harvey at an LGBTQ event once. He seemed really compassionate and passionate, and joining the Greens might add to the cult of personality that is starting to build around him. I mean, how many people know the name of the other co-convenor? I'm doing this for Patrick."

Criticulous concluded by waving to his imaginary friend Mad Cyril, and adding that while the PPP is best used as a tag on facebook to make points about the primacy of methodology over ideology, "people are welcome to send me money so that I can keep up my important work of giving star ratings to performances in Scotland." 

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