Socks and Violence (Reprise)

Frankly, I was worried: it feels as if he has been silent for too long. I had visions of a man crushed beneath a falling pile of socks boxes, or another victim of London's vicious hosiery underground.

But he is still at large. Mr Socks is back in action, having a square go at that bloke who had the big internet hit last year.

Socks is not happy with Psy's behaviour in his latest video. "Mr Psy's antics are nothing short of disgraceful, and as one of 30 million gentlemen in the United Kingdom, it falls to me to say enough is enough," say the web sock merchant, slipping in a cheeky plug for his service in every other line. 

"As gentlemen of the first water, it behooves us to challenge Mr Psy to a duel, because this is how proper gentlemen settle our differences in matters of honour."

Socks is no stranger to controversy. He has spent the last few years reminded gentlemen how to behave, and linking clean socks to better manners. There has been speculation that this elegant persona hides a man who will stop at nothing to get men into fresh socks - a bit like Batman, he had a bad incident as a child, only it involved athlete's foot and not a gun-toting criminal.

Suddenly remembering that Psy was in the army for two years, however, did give Mr Socks a moment's pause. Rather than guns, his choice of weapon is  "Ballroom, the dance of Gentlemen, or it's no dice. There'll be no prancing about Gangnam Style like a horse in matters of honour. Also, for logistical reasons, it has to be within twenty miles of Leeds City Centre."

Hopefully, Socks isn't going to get into a ruck with Psy, and this missive is the return of a modern marketing genius.