Illuminati, Satan and Me

Who wants some illuminati history? Madonna does.

The root of the word is “illuminate”, and that means “The enlightened ones”, and it came from the Age of Enlightenment, when a lot of arts and creativity flourished, from Shakespeare to Isaac Newton, to Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo: the philosophers, artists, scientists were all engaged in a kind of high level of consciousness through their work, and they were enlightening and inspiring people around the world. And those are the true Illuminati. 

Well, she's not too far off. I could do a bit of research, but I'll go for what I remember, with added wikipedia. Given that most things about this that I might find on the internet is going to be pretty much some enthusiast threading together their version, why not have mine?

So, Adam Weishaupt founded the illuminati in 1776 (right at the end of the period known as The Enlightenment). He was a mason, a lawyer, got educated by Jesuits, got suppressed, contradicted himself, probably achieved very little in terms of social change. However, it is worth pointing out that Weishaupt's illuminati was a real thing. 

Other, later, versions may or may not have existed, and may or may not have any connection to the source group.

But really, who cares about the history? We want conspiracy... so let's do it.

The illuminati of Weishaupt were just a manifestation of an organisation that has existed since the Big Bang. It kicked off when two quarks decided to gang up against a proton. Millions of years later, a couple of amoeba made up some bullshit about a magic source of power. However, these manifestations were isolated in an essentially hostile universe until consciousness turned up... probably because a cabal of angels had been conspiring behind the scenes to...

That's right... Lucifer came up with the illuminati. Come back for more in episode three...

(Pop Culture side bar one: man, I love the way Madonna has Shakespeare and Isaac Newton as part of the same thing. Because they are so similar. Onza a playwright, the other is a scientist who spent equal time getting apples on his noggin and pondering unitarian interpretations of The Bible.)