Illuminati, Satan and Me

Who wants some illuminati history? Madonna does.

The root of the word is “illuminate”, and that means “The enlightened ones”, and it came from the Age of Enlightenment, when a lot of arts and creativity flourished, from Shakespeare to Isaac Newton, to Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo: the philosophers, artists, scientists were all engaged in a kind of high level of consciousness through their work, and they were enlightening and inspiring people around the world. And those are the true Illuminati. 

Well, she's not too far off. I could do a bit of research, but I'll go for what I remember, with added wikipedia. Given that most things about this that I might find on the internet is going to be pretty much some enthusiast threading together their version, why not have mine?

So, Adam Weishaupt founded the illuminati in 1776 (right at the end of the period known as The Enlightenment). He was a mason, a lawyer, got educated by Jesuits, got suppressed, contradicted himself, probably achieved very little in terms of social change. However, it is worth pointing out that Weishaupt's illuminati was a real thing. 

Other, later, versions may or may not have existed, and may or may not have any connection to the source group.

But really, who cares about the history? We want conspiracy... so let's do it.

The illuminati of Weishaupt were just a manifestation of an organisation that has existed since the Big Bang. It kicked off when two quarks decided to gang up against a proton. Millions of years later, a couple of amoeba made up some bullshit about a magic source of power. However, these manifestations were isolated in an essentially hostile universe until consciousness turned up... probably because a cabal of angels had been conspiring behind the scenes to...

That's right... Lucifer came up with the illuminati. Come back for more in episode three...

(Pop Culture side bar one: man, I love the way Madonna has Shakespeare and Isaac Newton as part of the same thing. Because they are so similar. Onza a playwright, the other is a scientist who spent equal time getting apples on his noggin and pondering unitarian interpretations of The Bible.)

Illuminati, Madonna and Me

“I think there are some people who don't mind being referred to as that, but I know who the real Illuminati are, and where that word came from. 

The root of the word is “illuminate”, and that means “The enlightened ones”, and it came from the Age of Enlightenment, when a lot of arts and creativity flourished, from Shakespeare to Isaac Newton, to Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo: the philosophers, artists, scientists were all engaged in a kind of high level of consciousness through their work, and they were enlightening and inspiring people around the world. 

And those are the true Illuminati. So the purpose for writing that song was really in a way, 'So, if you think I'm the Illuminati, then thank you very much, a compliment, because I would like very much to be part of that group, the real Illuminati, and this is what it’s not.'"

Gee thanks, Madonna. 

I am off my meds today, and in the perfect position to write a rambling, incoherent post about conspiracy theories. Strap in tight, because I have researched this.

The Illuminati have been one of the more comprehensive conspiracy theories of the past few decades: unlike, say, The JFK conspiracy theories (who shot him? was it the CIA? et c), the ones involving the illuminati involve long histories - they started in the post-enlightenment era - and cover everything. Their aim is generally said to be something along the lines of ushering in the apocalypse or, as Robert Anton Wilson put it, 'to immanentize the eschaton.'

(First psychedelia sidebar: RAW's Illuminatus Trilogy probably popularised the illuminati in the 1960s, leading to their ubiquity in contemporary whack-job conspiracy theory. This massive novel was cobbled together from RAW's database of conspiracies that were sent into Playboy when he was an editor there. There is a bit of serious history in there, somewhere, and plenty of William Burroughs inspired oneiric interludes. It is worth a holiday read, but isn't an academic text, kids.)

Gaga's one of them. Because eye.

(First Jesuit sidebar: immanentize the eschaton means to bring about the kingdom of God on earth. Guess which order has this as their slogan outside their school in Glasgow?)

Back to the illuminati... 

I'm incline to call bullshit on any theory that needs to invoke the illuminati: not because I doubt the existence of secret societies (man, the Masons exist, and any coherent definition of conspiracy can double up as an effective description of political activity in general), but because the mythology associated with the illuminati has been built up not through rational analysis of history, but through a series of correspondences that would shame a preliterate society. Basically, the history of the illuminati has been slapped together by individuals who are adept in noticing the continuity of symbolic systems. Every time a supposed illuminati-related image or phrase appears, these scholars shout that it is just like that time...

Man, my meds make it hard to follow this argument. Back after these messages...