Mad Cyril's Guide for Critics

Awright, mate. Mad Cyril back on the blog again. Ah've be arsked ta say a few words abaht reviewin, cos there's a bunch of jokers out there oo are frowing arahnd star ratins like they was free wiv every pint ov milk. There's only wun right way to review, an Ah'm gonna tell ya what it is.

1. Make sure you chat about sum book ya reckon the playwright should've read. Don matta if ya read it yerself. The fing is to filter a play frew yer own thinkin, not wun what the writa or directa wants. This makes ya look well smart, and obviously betta than ova critics.

2. Remember that it don't matta how the fing is dun. If it's a good script, that's wot counts. Never mind the concept is shit, just find the bit that plugs inta ya own interests an rate it on that.

3. Add adjectives to  'unique'. Some snobs'll tell ya that, cos it means 'one of the kind', somefing carnt be 'very unique.' Language ain't the boss of ya,  so use it like a sort ya've already paid.

4. Mentionin the audience's antics might be awright, but tell ya reader wot the audience fought. Cos as a critic, ya got special mind-readin powers which means ya know ow an audience figures.

5. Make sure you sound like the queen havin tea with Prince Fillip. Say 'one' when ya can, cos that's like sayin I and everyone in the whole world', except it is posh. Ere's an example.

'One might think that Mad Cyril is an ironic satire on criticism,  but it is actually a performance of self-mockery by a lonely individual.'

6. Sweeping statements. Tell em ow it is. No wobblin.