Live From The Flying Duck: The 2 Critics get 2 Cabaret

And welcome another live review from The Mighty Vile Arts. We've got the host Gareth K Vile and his faithful sidekick Eric on the keyboard, and we'd like to give a big thank you to the Flying Duck. They lent us this really smart computer, so I guess they are our first media partners.

GKV: You know, Eric, I think the Flying Duck is somewhere The Vile Arts can feel at home. They have a wide variety of vegan food choices, and they put on interesting events. Like tonight, we've got the launch of the Scunnner album as part of a variety bill... In five minutes we'll be heading into the club, but before we go - how are you enjoying the Duck's ambiance?

EK: Well, it's loud, as a bar should be, with music that seems to range from hip hop to rock. But I'm not sure about those lights though... neon blue? Not sure... But it's too early to make a judgement - it's my first time here!

GKV: Glad to see you are admitting you are a Ducking Virgin tonight, Eric. Those lights remind me of my bedroom when I was a youngster like you. (Eric, they've let us use this cool computer. Be nice!)

EK: The computer is very nice, and shiny... but how is that relevant to the performance we are going to see? Not that we're impartial - we are critics after all - but we can sort of distance ourselves from the audience.

GKV: Let us use the laptop is a good example of how lovely this place is. Plus the bar staff are very attractive... Anyway, we are here tonight to see whether Scunner have made good on their promise to make their new album just the right amount of cabaret. They've brought the classic Spangled vibe over from their usual haunt at the Rio Cafe - the amazing Creative Martyrs are on the bill, a magician, and even some burlesque, I think. In fact, I believe you've seen Wild Card Kitty before, Eric.

EK: It always comes back to the burlesque, doesn't it? Wild Card Kitty... sounds familiar, but I am getting old -

GKV: One old fart on the team is enough, and that's my job: to be the conservative voice and know stuff. Anyway, drink up that lovely and cheap coffee and let's get this uploaded...

Barlow is Scunnered

Fun as it is to mock former boy band celebrity judges, I thought I could follow up yesterday's post with a more thoughtful evaluation of the "too cabaret" debate. The story so far: Gary Barlow disses a performer on X-Factor by suggesting their act is "too cabaret". Frisky and Mannish spearhead a campaign to challenge Barlow's dismissal of their medium, a video appears on YouTube and pictures pop up all over the net of various performers brandishing a "too cabaret?" logo.

The best bits so far: Frisky and Mannish write a parody number, mocking Barlow's opinion and the insipid music he makes, simultaneously undermining his authority to critique and demonstrating their own musical brilliance. Bert Finkle writes a passionate blog on how cabaret has the potential to move, contrasting it favourably against both Barlow's oeuvre and the musical theatre shenanigans of most X-Factor acts.

The most predictable part so far: I claim that Barlow's comments are actually a symptom of how criticism has been replaced by opinion. I have a vague memory that, back in the day, TV talent shows would have either practising artists (that is, not artists coasting on their back catalogue) or actual critics in the role of judges. Admittedly, the artists in question would probably be ones who had just come off the set of Celebrity Squares and the critics were not Kenneth Tynan or Mary Brennan. I just think it would be more fun if they had me as a judge, desperately trying to be kind tocod-operatic hopefuls while enthusing about the sudden appearance of a Live Artist smearing themselves in shit.

I'm also refusing to do any research on what Barlow actually said. Mannish hints that he was implying that cabaret belonged on cruise ships, and I am assuming that he wasn't complaining that it was a slyly subversive take on gender politics. I spent some time trying to work out the differences between burlesque, vaudeville and cabaret - and variety - so I am sure that Barlow is familiar with the current debate.

Yeah, I'm not being thoughtful, am I? I am just mocking Gary Barlow.

Anyway, I did think I'd do some research. Tonight, I am going to The Flying Duck. Scunner are launching their new album, and their main man, Paul Puppet is always a gentlemanly advocate of the cabaret aesthetic. Much as I enjoy having him chat on the Radio Hour, I hate seeing him  around the place - he is so well dressed, I feel shamed.

Fortunately, I'll have Eric on joint writing duties again. He'll be wearing a suit, and we are going  to blog live from the evening. There's a few acts there who might well be "too cabaret" and I am hoping that things will kick off. A march on the nearby cinema? The promised cabariot? A few good tunes from Bert Finkle and some astounding tricks from Aziz?

Well, the last two are certain. I'll see whether I can agitate for more. A live critic, reviewing as the acts happen, ought to be incendiary enough to get the entire performance community riled up nicely...

Here's the line up, apart from head-liners Scunner...

Dee Christopher-Paranormal magic
Markee De Saw & Bert Finkle-They met in a dream
The Creative Martyrs-Sinister winking since 1870
The Great Aziz-Illusion & Victorian magic
Mystique-A proper mentalist
Wild Card Kitty-this kitten has claws!
Kim Khaos-The bird is the word