THE SCOTTISH NATIONAL PORTRAIT GALLERY UNVEILS A SPECTACULAR NEW PORTRAIT OF THE OUTSTANDING ACTOR ALAN CUMMING

What am I supposed to make of this?

Obviously, it's a load of rubbish, a monument to the vanity of the sitter and the misconceived idea of public portraiture punted by Murdoch owned Sky Arts. But I can't understand why the National Gallery is so proud to have got hold of it.

Christopher Baker, Director of the Scottish National Portrait Gallery commented: “This extraordinary portrait celebrates the art of performance. It’s a remarkable tribute to a widely admired actor and an impressive work of painterly drama, which displays the skills of a talented artist, whose work will now become more widely recognised.”

Celebrates the art of performance? More like celebrates a celebrity who has done some good performances but is, as the press release remembers He has also forged a reputation as a highly successful writer, most recently with Not My Father’s Son: A Family Memoir (2014). And that advert for his perfume where he said 'I'm cumming'. That was hilarious.

Alan, darling, I'm not saying that you aren't a great actor, but you ought to have bought this thing and burnt it, or hid it in the attic. It's terrible. 
An impressive, unconventional and vibrant portrait of Alan Cumming, the result of a nation-wide artistic competition, is being displayed for the first time today at the Scottish National Portrait Gallery in Edinburgh.

A nation-wide competition? Now that Rolf Harris is in the nick, I suppose it is hard to find figurative artists, but I am hoping that the

special episode detailing Christian Hook’s experiences of painting Alan Cumming – Portrait Artist of the Year: Painting Alan Cumming has a bit where Hook says 'can you guess what it is yet'. Because if you change the resolution on a jpeg of this picture, it becomes all abstract (and a thousand times more evocative).

Luckily, the press release explains the details. 

But what a prize Hook received for this:  a year’s supply of art materials.Still, by the look of the paint he splashed over this, that is probably a lot of oils.

Sadly, some details are not explained on the press release, so I put it out to the conceptual artists, experimental painters, those working with film and performance: within the semiotic system of this portrait, what do you make of the following?