Hey, You, Get Out of My Field.

Awright, Andy? Mad Cyril ear. Been avin a peek at yer foughts on performance critique, and I ain't a appy camper. Ya wanna come up to my manor, ya need to pay ya respects, and, frankly, I ain't too pleased to hear 'the responsibility artists might have for the critical landscape.'

See, the artist ain't got none. They can ave a chat if they like, but their responsibility is ta make some good work. Thas all. Since fawty per cent of feeta is utter shite these days, we don't need a bunch of artists spoutin off abaht what critics ought tabe doin.

Now, I know ya got ya work cut out, Andy, making new spaces for

that poncy live art ya love - good on ya, son, that Forest Fringe seems tabe workin out fer ya. And God knas ya right abaht star raytins, and tha artists ave gotta stop slappin em all ova the shop. 

Ere's where I tell ya to shut it, mind.

I mean artists could and should be writing more about each other’s work. There is no more imaginative, more positive and more practical contribution that artists could be making to changing the way we think about criticism.

Ere's ma first objection: oo are the artists ov whom ya speak, Andy? Are ya sayin that 'critic' and 'artist' are mutually exclusive categories? As it goes, both feeta makers and critics are artists: they jus work in diff'rent genres. While I doan mind a bit of chat between artists, they are only any use as part ov a more general critique. 

Basically, they are eiver gonna be lickin each ova's bums or moanin that the version what they watched ain't how they'd do it.

See, artists watch art to learn ow to make it: there's a version of the show goin on in their noggin as they check it awt on stage. There's no hair in the filter in the camera of the mind's eye, son, and so the version that the feeta maker sees in their ead is gonna be betta than the one the rest of the audience sets its peepers on.

Anyway, ya right about Megan Vaughan, Andy. You missed off Andrew Haydon, though. And as long as you are praisin Lyn Gardner, I won't take ya comments proper serious. Sure, she's good, but biggin up The Guardian to support new approaches to criticism is like saying fish'n'chips is nouvelle cuisine.